Today I saw my Psychiatrist. This is my 2nd visit with her. My last visit was 2 weeks ago and I have another visit scheduled in 2 1/2 weeks. Once we get my medication sorted out (I'm taking Lamictal and ramping up my dose at the moment...I'm now at 150 mg) I'll only need to see her once every 2 - 3 months. I really really liked my other Psychiatrist but my husband took a new job so alas, he is not on our new insurance. I was his patient for 5 years. Anyway, my new Psychiatrist agreed with his diagnosis that I have Bipolar Disorder although she feels I am Bipolar I and he (if I remember correctly) said I was Bipolar II. Whatever. She feels that I would benefit from seeing a Therapist. When I was first diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, I saw a Psychologist. In fact, he recommended the Psychiatrist I ended up with. I saw my Therapist for 2 years then decided the appointments felt very burdensome unlike in the beginning when I really felt like I was benefiting from them. So I stopped. Cold turkey. I have thought about seeing a Therapist again but the entire process of finding one feels very overwhelming. Nonetheless, I have a list of therapists that my new Psychiatrist recommended and I have spent the last 3 or so hours comparing that list with the list of therapists who are in-network with my insurance then looking them up online. I then got distracted and began just looking up all therapists who are in network with my insurance and tried to research them. I started with PhD and PsyD (my previous therapist was PsyD) and then began looking at the others. I really feel more comfortable with PhD and/or PsyD. I really wish I could find someone on both lists who are very familiar with Bipolar Disorder. I guess that is what I will do tomorrow....call the ones who are on both lists (my Psychiatrist and insurance). Crazy that this has turned into such a long process but not surprising. I don't have a project at the moment so this has given me something to do.
I'm really anxious to start my GMAT Prep Course. It starts in a couple of weeks. I worry though that once I start, I'll think "what the heck have I gotten myself in to?" It is a 30 - 45 minute drive from my home without traffic. It's 2 consecutive nights in a row from 6:30 - 9:30pm. On the one hand, I'm thinking how fun it will be to have 2 nights with no responsibilities other than going to a class. I'll have nearly an hour in the car with no noise other than the radio. A friend suggested I go to the library and borrow a book (or two or three) on CD. I am definitely doing that. On the other hand, what if I don't feel like going? It's only for 5 weeks. I can definitely muster the energy it takes to do this for 5 weeks then I will take my GMAT about 3 or 4 days after my classes end. I'm looking forward to taking the GMAT (at least I am now because I am optimistic about these Prep Classes). I really want to prove to myself that I can do better than average on this. I took the LSAT after our 1st failed in-vitro attempt (so way back in 2001). At the time, at the age of 30, I decided to worry about getting pregnant when I'm 40 (because surely by that time, they'll figure out how to get people pregnant more easily) and apply to Law School. I had a great plan. Apply to a Law School near me which was a good law school but not an excellent law school (I felt I had a good chance of being accepted and if not, there was another law school a bit further away but still drive-able that I knew for sure I could get into) and finish then work then do the pregnancy thing (oh yes, I never intended to be a stay-home mom...it was only during our preparation for our home study visit when we applied to adopt that we had a talk and I said that I really didn't want to miss a second of our baby's life so in order to do that, I needed to be a stay-home mom. To my surprise, my husband was supportive and here I am...9 1/2 years later - a stay-home mom who is now making plans to change all that) Ah yes, back to my LSAT and Law School plans. I took a Princeton Review LSAT Prep class and paid a fortune for it and a week or so before it ended, my husband found out his job was transferred to Seattle (we lived in Dallas at the time). I looked into Law Schools there and there was University of Washington which was at the time in the top tier so I felt like I didn't stand a chance of being accepted there and Seattle University (I think that's the name) and it didn't have the type of curriculum I was looking for...so I lost all motivation of applying to Law School and preparing for the LSAT. I took the test and scored a 152. Average. Yuck. I never score average on those types of tests. I guess me taking the GMAT is sort of like proving to myself that I can do better when I try. So, I never applied to Law School. Instead, we moved to Seattle and I decided to scratch the whole Law School thing and let's try one more in-vitro. If I back up a bit, after our 1st unsuccessful in-vitro, I was ready to apply to adopt and my husband wasn't. Hence my decision to do the LSAT/Law School thing (Plan B). We had a horrible experience with our 1st in-vitro. I'll save that for another post. Anyway, we moved to Seattle, settled in (sort-of) and started our 2nd in-vitro attempt. It didn't work. However, this time our wonderful RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) had a follow-up appointment afterward and told us that we may want to consider other options as we didn't respond well to in-vitro. I was like "YAY!!!" and the next day, called the Adoption Agency I wanted to work with and a month later, we were on our way to the world of adoption. Four months later our daughter was born.
I digress.
I guess the whole point of this post is...I saw my Psychiatrist today and have spent most of the day on my "project" looking for Psychologists. Fingers crossed I find "the right one". Also, I'm looking forward to starting my GMAT Prep Classes. Actually kind of mixed emotions on that one but for now, I'm excited. I just hope I stay that way. I have a tendency to start things full of gusto then lose steam halfway through and regret what I started.
I do like this blog thing. I don't think I'm going to proof this one though...too much work. Here goes!
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